It’s almost funny.
How much worse can it get?
Hah.
Hehe.
A small part of me is honestly surprised that I am even able to write this blog.
It’s because we have been so close to World War 3 and Nuclear War this year, it’s a miracle we are even still around.
Forget everything about the last few years, except for the height of the pandemic and the deaths from that.. This year has truly reached a new level of horrible the likes of which we haven’t seen in ages, again besides the pandemic and its losses. Its hard to fathom all the negative events that are going on… The war between in Ukraine and Russia is still going on and significantly worse, the middle east is devolving into war, the economy is still in bad shape, several assassination attempts and successful ones, a very VERY divisive election(see my next blog for more on that), and so much more. I wish I really have something more or positive to say, but since 2019 ended… These have not been good times for humanity..
It just seems that from around the time of the pandemic and later.. Humanity has never recovered and we are suffering from the trauma caused by it. I know I’m going to sound like a broken record with allot of information here, but it’s relevant.. We are “shell shocked”, we have PTSD from a world that was devastated and brought to its knees from COVID-19. Like dominos.. Its consequences reverberated through out the years, even long after its most dangerous time has passed. While the disease cannot hurt us directly anymore for the most part, but the damage done to our society and civilization.. We can never comprehend. I remember last year around this time.. On New Years actually, I was infected with COVID-19 for the first time, and it absolutely destroyed me. I was years off from my last vaccination and I was totally caught off guard, long story short I went to the ER and got it resolved thank God..
This time I’m ready, I’m fully updated on my vaccinations and I’m going to be allot more careful this time. I wont let this year end as badly as the last one, not this time. I could write so much more about all the horrors of this year, but I think I focus on the negatives a little too much with these reviews… Allow me to talk a little more about the few positives of this year. I have lost some weight(still long ways to go. I will probably elaborate more on that later on) and I recently had surgery on October 2024, it’s a very long story but I think you will find it interesting, it’s almost a decade long saga..
It all started back in 2015.
I used to work this terrible security officer job that I absolutely despised and whole heartedly regretted doing. Skipping allot of unnecessary detail, I had obtained a work related injury on the back of my neck.. A wound that either never healed or didn’t heal right. Regardless, that was the start of a nine year nightmare after that..
This was never something I experienced or ever heard about before. But for many years after.. This horrible rash/scar tissue or whatever you call it would on and off again become super inflamed and puffed up. It would become tumorous, then start bleeding and excreting pus. Constantly weeping.. It would be so incredibly painful and uncomfortable, sometimes I woke up to my pillow covered in blood or go about my day and the top back of my shirt would be stained in blood. Then as soon as it appeared, it would deflate and go away for a couple of weeks, just to come back again. It was pure misery.
I tried every single useless cream, painful steroid injections, medications, painful draining, flesh burning chemical peels, and more. None of it did anything for more than a couple of months. I saw like four doctors over it and they all gave me the same INCORRECT diagnosis, keloids(you’ll see the correct diagnosis later). All they wanted to do was bandage the problem, it was truly hopeless. I scoured online for people with similar problems and they all had the same story as me.. And they all had the same realization. The closest thing to a cure is getting this problem surgically removed, and so I decided man screw it. I went to my doctors and demanded surgery to cut out this damn thing, I was so done with it all. They tried to talk me out of it, that maybe that was too drastic. Uh no, continuing to suffer with this hell would be the dumb drastic option. So they eventually relented and approved my surgery.
To shorten a super long story to a slightly less long story, I made an appointment and met up with my surgeon. He inspected it, and told me its scar tissue from my old wound that didn’t heal right, it’s called “Hidradenitis Suppurativa” and is much more in line with what my symptoms are. Also that I would need to have the entire thing excised out(aka carved out), to fix it. But he did say there is a small chance it could come back, but thats the best shot we got. I told him let’s do this.. I want this living hell gone by any means necessary.
Fast forward like two months and I have the surgery scheduled like the next day(10/8/24), I was given the directions to take like three showers with this special anti-septic medicated body wash, take no meds, and wear very loose clothing. We got to bed and get up at 6:30AM, as we were told we had to be there at 9AM. I had to be completely empty of everything(even water) at least six hours prior(I did like 11 hours instead). It was to take place a Providence Little Company Of Mary. My mother and girlfriend accompanied me to the hospital. We made it there after a very rough morning to say the least, and I signed in. It was a very slow delayed process, they told me I was there too early as the surgery wouldn’t start until 1:30PM, it was just diseaster of incompetence that morning that I wont bother getting more into. I finally talked to the surgeon, my doctor I saw earlier for the consultation. He marked out the areas he would cut out with a marker and let me know a few details about it and the after care. Then they would wheel me into the O.R. and administer some kind of liquid to help me “relax” and by relax I meant pass out a few moments later. I woke up feeling like a train hit me, they said I was all done and gave my mega dehydrated self some juice to drink. I was beyond exhausted, I could barely open my eyes.. But it was finally done. They bandaged me up, gave me a prescription for pain medicine, and sent me on my way. 🤕
We made it home, I felt very lethargic and stiff. They cut out the old wound, sutured the opposite ends, and closed it up. So my neck was very stiff and I couldn’t really move it except for up. For at least a month move my head at all and I could not look down with my chin to my chest, it was absolutely miserable and painful. It was finished.
And at the time of this writing which is roughly three months later, it’s still gone!
At long last it was done. Thank God!
You see..
I had my 33rd birthday this year. I even had a small hotel kickback for it, it was very fun and while I hoped it would be bigger.. I definitely enjoyed it for what it was..
But as I was saying..
As clichè as it is, something awakened in me..
It was time to jump start the REawakening. While I made that vow to become someone new and better years ago, it had admittedly hit a couple of rough patches.. Though it is a years long process, it was slowed down significantly. It’s been rough for a very long time. But it was on my 33rd birthday that I made the vow to go as hard as I could to super charge my REawakening, to make all the necessary changes and be the best that I can be.. To do all that I can to get what I want, and to bring out my true potential. The surgery being one of them, I had to cut out part of my old diseased self.. To have the wound heal as something new and better. I will say this, I’m pretty pleased with this new way of thinking and the evolution that I have experienced. I have to REawaken, to endure this world and its trials and tribulations. I know I have talked about this probably a hundred times already, but I really want people to know how important this is and what it means to me.. That this is an ascension for me, for me to become the man I was destined to be. To be a LORD among men.
And most of all myself.
…
As usual, this previous year was terrible, if not the worst post-pandemic.. And 2025 isn’t looking much better if I’m going to be honest.
It’s pretty much inevitable.
But you know what doesn’t have to get worse?
You.
Hah.. Its funny when I think about it.
The only thing I can think of that has gotten any better this year…
Is me.
Because I wanted it enough.
If I can do it, you can do it.
You just have to want it hard enough too.
For 2025.
Heh..
Tell me.
How much do you want it?
