Monday, May 25, 2015

5. This Time



I cannot escape you.

Not even in my dreams. For that is where I see you the most. How many times have you crossed my mind? I know how many times, and I'm held prisoner by it. You are there, you were always there, smiling at me.

Why are you still latched to my soul?

Why do you torment me so?

Why don't you just leave me alone?

For so long, I have asked these questions... With no answer. Tell me... Do you love me? Do you hate me? Do you even know I exist? Maybe that one is right...

I am nothing.

Less then nothing.

I know, deep inside, I'm not worthy. But how could I be in oblivion, if I still dream of you? Why do you torture me with visions of a hope long since lost? Hope was the spark that God used to create the universe and make it eternal. If only you knew... I tried. I tried more harder then any being ever has! It is my one act, that makes me so proud, yet so disappointed in myself. I had hoped it would be enough, but it will never be enough, not for you.

And not for me.

I wonder what you are trying to tell me? You are my life's greatest mystery. Yet... I feel like I know you, that I know you even better then myself. And I know... For all suffering you have caused me.

That it was not your fault, but my own... For being so weak.

I have been down, and kicked so many times, the pain is unfathomable. But even after all that, you are still there... Smile. And only now do I realize, you are more then a treasure lost. You are the embodiment of my burning desire, to be whole. After all these years, I always asked you... Why? I thought the answer was in my eyes... You. But the answer was in yours... Me.

How could I have been so blind? You were as much apart of me, as my own heart. Though there was so much I could have done differently, it has to be this way. It may never be destined to be in this universe, but we will all be... In the next.

You have awakened me, so that I may sleep and dream in peace... You are right.

About everything.

I am everything.

While in our sweet embrace, you hold me tight, and I hold you tighter...

This time, I'm never going to let you go.

2 comments:

  1. Nice job Jacob. I really liked this reading. Interesting.

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    1. Thank you very much Jennifer! I really tried hard with this one and let it all out.. I appreciate you taking the time to read it all.

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