24. Now I Want More

I can remember those nights so vividly.

The whole world was asleep, but not me. A mind that yearns for something, does not know the sweet relief of sleep.

So many nights.. I would gaze out my window, at the stars.

And in the nights darkness, I would ask the God of the stars and Infinity...

What am I missing?
Why do I feel incomplete?
Why do I not know love's sweet embrace?
Why cant I have what everybody else has?
Why do I feel like nothing?

I begged the heavens for an answer more times then I could count, and every time I got the same reply... A quiet cosmic twinkle.

You know... I think back to those times allot, to that poor child looking out to the stars..

So bad do I wish I could go back and hold him, and tell him that God has heard him... That I heard him. That all his hearts greatest desires are possible, that one day he will experience things he has never even dreamt of.

That he needs only wait, and to keep wanting it. Child.. Or should I say Little brother? Never let that fire in your heart go..

For it was not all for nothing, I have drank from the faucets of the divine and tasted what it means to be everything.

But with all things in my life, easy was the last thing it was. To reach the gates of Eden.. I had to crawl through to the scorching hot dessert to reach it.

Still holding on to my age old belief with all my heart.. That everything that I have suffered, I will be paid back so much more.

I must admit, I can't even recognize that child who I was once. But at the same time, how could I say that? I am still him now, but there is something different..

He begged for even a tiny crumb, to at least ease the pain of his hunger... While I ask for second, third, and fourth helpings to satisfy my ravenous hunger.

While he wanted anything at all..
I wont be content until I have it all.

I have visited the land of milk and honey, and am held prisoner by it. But they are not holding me captive, I am.

Now that I have been invigorated with life's sweetest nectar.. To deny myself it again, would be the worst sin against myself.

While I have found many pieces to the puzzle that is me, still I am not complete, and I can never stop until I am.

Just as I once did as a child.. I look out the window at the God of the stars and Eternity.

But this time, I proclaim to him one single wish..

"Now I want more."