I never could have imagined this would happen.
Never in my worst nightmares could I have fathomed it would all be gone.
It happened so suddenly, what was months felt like a blink of an eye.
What happened?
I still barley understand what is happening.
They say there are monsters that feed on our bodies..
That feed on our souls.
Until there is nothing left.
Than you die alone..
All any of us can do, is peer out of our mouse holes we hide in and see..
See how the world we once knew.
Our inheritance.. Our home..
Has become dust under our feet.
This.. This was not meant to happen.
This is a nightmare we cannot wake up from.
Why?
Why has God let our livelihoods be taken away?
Why has God let our loved ones be taken from us?
Why has God abandoned us?
Maybe we are being punished for our sins.
Maybe it is something else entirely, something completely unknown.
Not our maker, but unmaker.
Regardless, even in the middle of this Hell we all must endure.
I can’t help but remember..
Remember all that which was taken from us..
Yes.. I remember our loved ones, our friends, and family.
Its so clear to me, the bonds I have created and mended over these past years I can never forget.. Though I am denied most of them now..
What they have done for me and I for them.. Has created engravings in my heart that are eternal.
They are always with me, for they are a part of me.
Another cherished memory, was one of a physical connection. I have always yearned for the touch, the feeling, the pleasure.. Of others.
To create that perfect trinity, to open my spirit and body to the joy of others...
And to hear them moan in my ear over and over again.
Oh yes.
Another fitting memory as it was the final grand joy I had.. Before it all went away.
Was the majesty of Raving..
I feels like just yesterday, I was walking like a giant to my first ever rave..
In fact they all started the same, as I entered..
I can still hear it, that blasting bumping music that shook the Earth and wind..
I can still see it, the vast wonders and lights that illuminated these other worldly structures and buildings.
I take it all in and it brings me to my favorite part.. Where I would unite with other people, hold hands and together we would share the art we we have adorned on our bodies. Creating a connection that made us brothers and sisters in raving..
Pure Ecstasy.
How I miss it all so.
These memories.. They help me keep going, they are the hope for a brighter future.
The hope that maybe since I had them once.. That I can have them again.
That we ALL can have them again.
I know I’m not alone.
I know YOU are in pain too.
I know you have lost so much.
Regardless if its from this nightmare, or from something else entirely.
The toll this all takes on the heart and mind, is devastating.
I can hear a voice from the void.. Calling to us... calling to me:
“Struggle no more child. Let go, let the pain end. Take off the mask and welcome the monsters to consume you with open arms.. Or take your life into your own hands and end this tragedy. So you can sleep forever and know peace...
You know you want too.”
Tempting, but that is not my destiny.. My suffering, our suffering..
Cannot be extinguished that easily.
For some of us.. The sweet relief of death, is a privilege that we are not worthy of.
Not yet.
Heh.
To think..
In my frustration, I thought our old life was Hell..
Only now do I see, that this plague is true HELL.
Our old life, as flawed as it was..
Was paradise in comparison.
That paradise is lost now.
But not forever.
Lets go find it..
Together.
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