This year..
2020.
How can I begin to describe or explain how this year was and the effect it had on all of us?
A year is just a arbitrary number, merely a indication of time.
But what makes the year in our eyes, is what occurred during it. What personified its experience...
And this year was UNIVERSALLY a nightmare for everyone.. And I mean EVERYONE on Earth.
What has occured during this year was something akin to divine PUNISHMENT. Biblical levels of devastation and death.
Allow me to briefly mention these events..
We had the constant threat of World War 3 early on, which always does wonders for your peace of mind. The possibility of one of the worst calamity’s humankind has ever endured(WW2), happening again with the press of a button. Old fools with too much power ready to have us all die for them like lambs to the slaughter. Humanity just cannot learn to live with itself.
The unfortunate reminder that POC are a hunted people by many of the police. That injustice and prejudice is alive and well even today. We saw an innocent black man murdered on video, begging for his life.. With his face pressed against the gutter, similar to so many before and after him. Erupting in country shaking protests and marches for justice.
We have had some of the worst consistent fires in HISTORY. So many lives and homes lost from these enormous hell like fires, the air itself toxic and hard to breathe from even very far away. Millions of acres of forests wiped from existence, nature herself weeps and rages..
The election which is supposed to bring people together.. Has devolved into an orgy of hatred, division and tribalism. Few times more in our history have we been more against each other. Tearing family’s apart.. Pitting fathers against son, mothers against daughters, and neighbor’s against neighbor’s. Fighting over leaders that couldn’t care less about you. Politics has mutated into one of the most toxic practices to plague us to this day. We are just not good at it, because we aren’t ready to be.
Every single month.. A new disaster would emerge from the abyss to torture us..
Like clock work, it was so consistent. It almost felt intentional or planned.. Who knows?
But there is one thing that has dominated this year..
Our ULTIMATE nightmare.
This coronavirus pandemic that has been ravaging us for over a year as of this writing..
I cannot truly put into words how much death, suffering, and misery this pandemic has caused us.
What it has taken from us.
What it has taken from me..
I remember.. A while back we would learn about events in history like the Black Plague and other similar events in school, and as horrifying as they were.. I thought, we have nothing to worry about.. We are far more advanced and capable of protecting ourselves compared to medieval peasants that bathed once a month.
I always had that peace of mind that our advanced technology and knowledge would protect us..
But I was wrong.
At the end of the day..
All of that failed us.
2020 came to remind us.. That take away all our bells and whistles, we are no different from a bunch of unwashed peasants from the middle ages.. Our knowledge, our technology couldn’t protect us from this disease. In some aspects, they hurt us MORE then if we didn’t have them(planes, public transit, ships, etc... All ways the virus traveled world wide and went to different countries).
We ended up just like them.. Hiding like rats in our homes, surrounded by pain and misery, seeing our loved one bodies being carted off to a mass grave.
They say history repeats itself..
This year, it did.
Entire countries, most of the planet.. Were brought to their knees. Begging for salvation from this hell.
Millions of people infected, barley being able to breathe.
Hundreds of thousands of lives taken from us too early.
Our economy and businesses obliterated, with poverty sky rocketing globally..
This has been a calamity the likes of which have not been seen in a hundred years.
Especially not in my life.
You see..
They say it attacks the lungs.. But it also attacks something else that is far less reported.
It has also gone after our minds.. Our mental health, as an unintended consequence.
With the entire world going into lockdown, our lives came to an abrupt halt..
Then everything ended.
The world we once knew in 2019 and before.. Was gone. History.
We could do nothing but wait in our homes endlessly, while the world outside burned to the ground around us.
With the hope that its getting better out there, only to see things are getting WORSE everyday.
To see the poor innocent souls that are getting infected and dying.. Their lives stolen from this world from an invisible monster, for just trying to live their life.
May they rest in peace.. The nightmare is over for them at least.
It is a hopeless feeling.
I should know.. I felt it.
I would jump on any sliver of an opportunity for fun or joy of any kind, just to escape that feeling if even for a moment.
While I managed to avoid the virus directly and from getting sick from it(I think).
I got all its fallout effects.
And its effects were SEVERE.
As the world crumbled around me, and the things I once loved were taken from me. I began to feel so many things..
I felt loneliness.
I felt cabin fever.
I felt the lack of varied human interaction.
I felt the crushing monotony of everyday.
I felt sadness.
I felt rage.
I felt claustrophobic.
I felt resentful.
I felt bitter.
I felt despair.
I felt like I was dying inside.
I felt my sanity slipping away.
I felt the madness creeping in.
Then... I just wanted to LAUGH.
I opened my eyes to gaze upon cosmic horror, and I saw that it was us...
I saw that it was me.
...
I always thought of myself as a relatively strong minded person, willing to take any problem on.
But this pandemic.. This nightmare, stripped me of most of the strength that I had. It truly messed me up.
I even lost two extended family members on the same day(non-virus related). Though I did not know them well, it still deeply saddened me. This only added to my immense sadness.
At the time of this writing, I haven’t even begun to recover from all this. So many times I wanted to give up.. Its still so fresh.
But there was a force that spoke to me.. Behind all the laughter, madness and misery.
The embodiment of my love, joy, hope, and happiness.
If you are familiar with my previous writings, I think you already know who I’m referring too.
He would not let me give up, he would tell me to keep on going.. But I heard the same annoying “stay positive” nonsense a million times already..
That wasn’t going to cut it this time.
Not this time.
For me a life without joy, fun, or hope..
Is not living at all.
Just let me go...
Then I heard him tell me:
“What about them?
What about all the people who have gotten sick and died?
Are you going to let them die in vain? You survived this long, that is an accomplishment in itself.. You must go on.
So many calamities and horrible experiences that you have endured and survived, just to quit here? No, you are stronger then this thing.
You are stronger then you could even FATHOM.
The universe connected to you once..
The universe chose you.
To be awakened.
One more thing...
You must live on for them.
You must live on for YOURSELF.
They deserve it, YOU deserve it!
Don’t let this monster end you when it hasn’t even infected you!
Please, don’t let yourself rot when your not even sick.
All nightmares will end.. Even the worst ones.
So do it for them.
Do it for yourself.
Please.”
...
That gave me allot to think about.
I do not know what the future holds.. 2020 is a lost cause for the most part, consumed by a year of constant catastrophes and misery.
But there is a hope that we do cling on too.. That 2021 will be a better year, or at least a better year then this one was.
The world is as bad as ever, being ravaged by the pandemic.. But with the release of the recent vaccine. There might be a light at the end of the tunnel.
I pray to God in heaven that this living hell is ended soon, and that we can finally start to live again. ACTUALLY LIVE.
As for me.. As long as I have something to look forward too. I will be live on with the hope of a better day soon.
I do not live with any illusion its going to be easy nor all better in a month, thats just pie in the sky hopes.
But I encourage you all and hell myself as well, to stay safe and try to take advantage of any joys you can(responsibly of course).
This miserable year known as 2020.. That will go down in history as one of the WORST years we have ever had.. It has taken so much from us.
But don’t let it take away who you are, and you’re will to live and enjoy life.
Who knows, maybe this isn’t enough to convince you or motivate you.. I’m still trying to convince myself honestly.
But 2020 is finally at an end.. At long last.
And 2021 is another year and another chance for us to rebuild the life we once knew, maybe even bigger and better then before... Heh told you I went insane.
One last thing.. Don’t forget.
You must live on.
You must live a life of all the experiences life has to offer.
For as long as you can at least..
If I make it through this.. I’m going to make up for the year that was stolen from me and more! God willing.
But again, remember to not delude yourself either. 2021 could be the best year ever or a THOUSAND times worse then 2020.. Its still a shot in the dark.
Plan all you want, but I know that better then most.
Because ultimately, thats exactly what every year is..
What every month is.
What every week is.
What every day is.
What every second of our life is.
...
Just a shot in the dark.
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