39. REawakening Part. 1

 

There’s come a time in our lives where we must change.

Where we all must change.

For the better or for the worse. 

Just look at yourself in the mirror..

Do you even recognize yourself anymore?

REALLY recognize yourself? 

I don’t.

At least I’m starting not too..

...

I recently turned 30, and I thought it was just another birthday.. 

But I felt a change, I felt something different.

I felt something NEW.

I didn’t know how to take this new feeling, then I suddenly remembered...

My religious family always told me.. 

“You need to talk to God.” 

Yes.. I did need to. 

If someone would know, he would. 

I prayed to God our father, ruler of the heavens, the Earth, and forever. 

I asked of him, what is this new feeling I feel? 

What am I becoming? 

Then I heard it, I felt it, I saw it...

He was answering me.

Yes..

For so long.. Its always been about the angel and the madman/devil within me.

The constant struggle between the light and darkness in my heart. 

My love and my hate personified. 

But this about more than just them, this is about ME..

As I once said, I am the PRIME brother of the three. 

The “beast” right in front of your eyes.

I felt.. It’s time for the beast to grow. 

For the beast to reach a new form. 

It was time I stopped denying myself my true potential. 

That I became MORE then what I was. 

I can hear him whisper..

Look at what you have created.. 

Look at what you have accomplished. 

Look at the majesty and elegance of how you write. 

How you put your soul itself into words. 

Just look..

I see. 

I can see my friends and loved ones.. 

Wearing my face on their hearts. 

They love me, they care about me. 

What I have done means something to them. 

It means something to me.

My words have a purpose to so many people.. 

I have the power to create something beautiful from literally nothing.

I felt invisible to so many for so long.. But that torture is at an end.

Everyone is telling me to evolve, to be the best that I can be. 

For my entire life, I never thought of myself as good enough.. 

I have had so many obstacles in my life.

Myself being one of the worst...

We.. So much of the time, are our own worst enemy.

And I have been a formidable one..

I wont let myself be one anymore.

I sometimes thought to myself... 

If only I hadn’t been born in this world!

Why, why does it have to be this way?

Why must we all suffer? 

Well..

Because suffering is what we humans do.

Suffering is inevitable, that is our curse for the crime of existing..

But letting that curse break you.. Is a choice you make.

It would be easier to just die, so much easier...

I know you’re tired.

I’m also tired of living this way.. 

Tired of it all.. 

But you and I don’t have to be... 

Not anymore.

...

I see something..

There is a light..

Brighter than any other light I have ever seen.

I can only compare it to the sun itself..

It’s so bright.. Almost blinding.

I lean over and see.. from the core of that light I can see someone. 

A humanoid figure.. Coming closer and closer.

I can finally make him out... My God.

He looks just like me. 

But different somehow..

Light permeates his entire being.

An aura surrounds him.

His face...

So confident, so content.

So perfect.

I see now..

THIS was God’s true answer to my calls.

The answer to my prayers..

In this bright cosmic egg he grows.

But this being..

Is not an angel or madman/devil.

He is something else.

Something new. 

Something... Greater.

I yell out into that solar mass... 

Who are you? 

Suddenly one word suddenly floods my mind, body and soul.

Flows in the wind and is written in the stars.

It reverberates throughout heaven and hell itself...

One single word:

LORD.