46. First Love

 

I’m only a child.

But within my young heart, a new feeling is born. 

It is a strange new sensation.. Warm, caring, desire, my stomach flutters, almost light headed..

Every time she walks in the classroom door.

An intense rush of all these feelings fill my entire being, when she is around.. 

I feel something new. 

Something better.

Its the same every single day. 

Is this what they call.. Love? 

Could she be the very first one to have my heart? 

The very first one I ever loved?

The very first one..

You see.. Its so hard to listen in class.

I cant even hear the teacher lecturing us.

Its a full room, but it feels like there is no one here but us. 

Just you and I. 

We are but children.

Barley out of diapers.

Barley even existed in this world at all.

But when I’m with you, a thousand years could past. And it would feel like a single second..

For me, its not enough.

Its never enough. 

With you..

There is NO SUCH THING as enough. 

Whenever it came to love, I always asked myself every-time.. Do they feel the same?

Do you feel the same? 

Is your young mind even capable of understanding or comprehending, the love and feelings that I have for you?

It is such an alien feeling, I barley even understand it myself. 

Always from afar, I admire the radiance and glow from your being..

Your laughs and smiles as you play in class and recess.. Melts my heart instantly. 

I swear you descended from heaven itself.

A tiny angel.

Just for me. 

…

No longer would I have to watch from afar.

The blessed day would come when the teacher partnered us up for recess..

You AND I would play alone and uninterrupted. 

When I heard that revelation, I felt a joy and excitement I never even thought possible in this world. 

The stars aligned that day, in my favor at last. God saw my heart and bestowed upon me blessings BEYOND all blessings, that day he would show me why he is the God of love and more.

Eagerly I raced to my two square assigned spot, just as you went to the adjacent spot. 

For a moment I looked at you, in a complete trance.. I still could not believe it.

The simple act of playing ball with you, the one that held my heart.. I felt like the luckiest boy on earth.

I thought, winning the lottery would not bring me as much joy as this.. 

Because I had already won something so much better then money. 

I had won quality time with the angel of my dreams and holder of my heart. 

And when you uttered my name with your soft sweet voice, to ask if I was ready to play.

My heart melted all over again.

As I lifted my hands to play and receive your thrown ball.

I thought.

Yes..

I was ready.

I was always ready for you. 

Ready for this moment. 

Ready for us to be whole. 

…

What was maybe 20 or 30 minutes.

Felt like a thousand life times. 

At that moment, I felt more complete then I had ever felt in my short life. 

Nothing could ever compare up until then. 

It was as if the universe was set right, the cosmos smiled upon us.

For that brief moment.

Everything was PERFECT.

For me… She made it last for an Eternity and beyond. 

I never wanted it to end.

I never wanted us to end. 

Literally never end.

But all things must end eventually. 

After that day..

Though we would be destined to stay classmates and move on afterwards to other schools. 

I would never ever forget our time together in preschool… Or especially our time together in recess. 

Not in a thousand lifetimes, would I ever forget it. 

For on that playground, in my heart and soul.

We lived a thousand lifetimes together. 

We did it. 

We were whole, at long last.

…

Even now decades later.

I can see your face.

I can hear your voice.

I can see you throwing that ball.

So clearly. 

As if I saw you yesterday. 

You helped me form my first ever views for any future relationships.

Because of your kindness, gentle nature, and loving demeanor.

I could never do the typical bullying, hitting, or borderline harassment that is common in young boys, that’s accepted because “he likes you”. 

No, I only wanted to give you back what you gave me. I saw you as a queen, and a queen deserves kindness, love, and compassion. A queen deserves to be honored.

And I swore to myself at that young age, that any woman in the future that I may love and/or be with.. Will receive those very things and more, to best of my ability’s! Because they are queen’s as well. 

You tought me to radiate my gentle nature.

You taught me to show them kindness. 

You taught me to shower them in love.

At the age of five year old. 

You taught me how to be a better man in the future. 

Thank you. 

…

I don’t know whatever became of you.

I wish I knew. 

Maybe one day I will.. Who knows?

But I just hope you are happy and healthy.

Wherever you are. 

Because deep down in my heart.

You will always be..

My First Love.

Cristina.