49. Both Hands United Are Humanity

 

Let me show you what both hands united are.

I extend both my hands out.

But then I turn them towards each other.

And unite them together at last. 

In that moment its all so clear.

All that I am, brought together by two conduits. 

My left hand of Darkness and my right hand of Mercy.

From them I connect not only to myself.

But something far more grander than what I am.

You see..

…

When I gaze upon humanity and all that it is.

I see the same thing, that I see within myself.

A great duality.

Just as I have written before many times.

You cannot have one without the other.

You must take all the good they have.

And all the bad. 

With these two hands..

Humanity has created so many wonders.

And destroyed so many.

We have born so many civilizations, populated with all our brothers and sisters.

Only for millions of them to be massacred through out history, from wars, genocides, and plagues. 

And from those depressing times, where all hope seemed lost..

When humanity seemed destined to die off.

Our tenacity to bounce back, to seemingly resurrect ourselves from the brink of destruction, would always rescue us. 

We would use our loss and pain.. To create.

We would create a renaissance of beauty, song, art, dance, poetry and other writings. 

Mankind.

From its left hands it suffers, toils, and burns.

And from its right hand it resurrects and creates miracles. 

Don’t you see?

They are whole when they are together.

We are whole when we are together.

For both hands united are humanity.

…

I can feel them both reaching out.

They have me look at the grand picture.

But there is something else..

I stand there alone, but I can feel them.

They are there with me now.

On my right hand… I share it with the angel within my heart. 

The embodiment of all light and mercy within me.

Oh my left hand… I share it with the dark one who laughs within my heart.

The embodiment of all my pain and darkness. Hah.

They both reach back within me and pull out my very soul itself.

So that I may look within myself.

And see myself in all its totality.

What do I see? 

I see my heart.

The heart of this being, the core from which these two hands have life. 

Then… All has been made clear. 

…

I see a caged mustang, crashing against his cage, raging to break free.

So that he may be free to live in the wild among his brethren, with the whole to world his pasture.

I see a scared child who has nightmares of demonic horrors, who’s fear festered into HATE and RAGE, becoming a monster himself to survive. 

But he had to become strong, he had to adapt.. To be stronger then the darkness of his own mind. He became a man and crushed them all..

And that strength was useless.. When he faced something far worse then monsters… When he dreamt of paradise. He saw the life he was meant to live, that he was forced to taste.. For a moment. Only to have it ripped away when he awoke.. Theres nothing.

But there was something, something just as great.. If not greater. When he dreamt of his loved ones, when he held them close, and gave him something we all yearn so dearly for.. Closure. There was hope. 

But in my waking life.

I was weak.

So weak.

Surviving off of crumbs on the floor.

Suffering.

Starving to death.

Just as I had written before.

But death would not allow me her sweet release.

Because when he reached his hand out towards me, the REawakened version of me who had conquered all his downfalls.

I was lifted up at the table.. And feasted among my peers.

And I held my past in the palm of my hands.

…

But my future.. 

I reach out to it with both my hands.

Like a star in the sky, so close and yet so far.

I want more.

I NEED more. 

I NEED IT ALL. 

I realized something… It all doesn’t have to stay a dream.

What I truly want in life. 

It doesn’t have to be unreal.

It doesn’t have to be taken from me.

It doesn’t have to hurt..

Maybe what I dreamt of.. Wasn’t meant to torture me.

Maybe… It was showing me what I was meant to have. 

What I could have… What I will have?

Those horrible monsters that tortured me, they were a manifestation of the traumas of my life and the feeling of everyone failing me over and over, everyone abandoning me. 

And when I finally put up that shell to protect myself and close myself up from a world, that cursed my name…

I was failing myself. 

I was letting them win.

Why does it have to be that way? 

Why does it have to hurt?

Why am I always hurting?

Why are WE always hurting? 

Why?

Because life is Hell.

Life IS pain. 

But it doesn’t have to be only that. 

Life can be Heaven. 

Life can be so much more. 

It has shown me in my dreams.

Heaven and Hell. 

Right before my eyes. 

Hell was with my left hand, when I killed those monsters and ate their hearts, with my primal hate filled rage. I had become a monster who fed on monsters. 

And Heaven was with my right hand, when I was led out into that beautiful coastal sunset to marvel at Paradise’s beauty and knew true closure. And I was addicted.

Thus is the duality of man. 

…

I don’t truly know what this all means.

What the dreams meant, why I put up that shell, or anything really..

Maybe it all means nothing at all.

Nothing… Unless I give it meaning. 

But there is one thing I know for certain. 

I put out both my hands forward and look upon them.

One of dark and one of light.

Thats what makes up every single person alive. 

God created us in his own image. 

We have the hands of God himself. 

Born from the stars unto a world we were destined to mold..

These are the hands of our LORD. 

The left hand of darkness destroys.

The right hand of Mercy creates.

And when God gave me my REawakening. 

I learned when they are both together. 

That both these hands united are all HUMANITY.

That both these hands united are ME.