I feel like I’m having a Déjà Vu.
It feels like I keep writing about the same year over and over again..
With the only difference is that it is WORSE every-time.
What can I really say that hasn’t been said in my previous year end reviews? I feel like a broken record already.. In regards to worldly events, there is more war(such as in Ukraine), more COVID-19, the economy is in complete disarray with record inflation, the peoples division and rage are at an all time high. Its been the same song and dance ever since 2020 started.. And its just been getting worse. It shouldn’t have to be this way, things should be getting better not worse. But I think you know all that already, who doesn’t honestly?
I’m going to focus more on personal issues in this particular review, as honestly world issues are pretty the same as before just worse as I stated… And chances are you already know all about them anyways. So I’m going to skip the worldly stuff. This has been a very… difficult and complicated year for me, especially socially. Plenty of bad.. But there has been some good in it. All of that will be coming soon.. Anyways this year started off not too bad, pretty decent if anything. But as the months went on.. Things started to deteriorate around Spring. REAL BAD.
You see.. I was still so naive in the world of friends, even being an adult.. I thought I knew who my friends were and the connection I had with them. I thought I knew people and maybe once upon a time I did. But a wise man once said…
People change.
In a heartbeat.. The world you knew, can crumble underneath your feet.. And there’s nothing you can do about it. As it would turn out several YEARS long friends would not only reveal themselves to be traitorous snakes in the grass, cowards who actually did not like me for various petty reasons, but acted fake and that they were my friends for so long, they were even talking bad about me behind my back.. Others, I apparently committed the smallest of slights, one such as not talking to them enough… And they decided to break off the friendship for that. More or less, that was it..
I lost quite a few friends in the span of like two months… It was unbelievable. These were people I cared about, people I never said a bad thing about, people I had hung out with so many times, people who opened up to me and I opened up to them, people I only ever treated the absolute best way I could, people I wrote the sweetest and kindest things about in actual letters or posted online… People I once called my best friends, that betrayed me... They weren’t interested in working things out, no mending, no talking, no fixing things… Most didn’t even say good bye. They just blocked and ghosted me, years and years of friendship thrown out like trash.
Like it was nothing.
And it tore my heart out.
Then all there was left.. Was hollowness and hate. If they would reject my love, then all they would get is nothingness… I deserved better, I am better then those trash. And unless they mature into logical thinking adults, truly repent, change, and sincerely apologize for what they did(nobody can ever say I never give people another chance).
THEN GOOD RIDDANCE.
BUT while I do have a tendency to focus on the negatives a little too much.. I do try and look at the bright side of bad situations, this terrible situation has really made me appreciate the REAL TRUE FRIEND I do have. The friends I have in my life now, I look at them as truly worthy of being in my life.. Because I am worthy of being in their lives. On the flip side, I have experienced the kindness and love from my REAL friends that has truly warmed my heart. From the ashes of those lost friendships, I thought I was left with giant hole of hollow hatred.. But the compassion, joy, and companionship of those around me that I love helped to fill that hole. I would expand my friend circle greatly due to my raving, it really is a great place to meet kind loving people.. It helped allot that many of my hometown peers also rave.. Its been invaluable in creating friendships and connections! I would even make a foreigner friend, who is such an incredible friend that even came to visit us! I was blown away! I even had my own small birthday kick back/party for the first time with a bunch of friends! For the first time I kept it basic and small, but I loved every second of it.. Like I said, the friends that stayed in my life this year.. Really shined and it made me so appreciative of what I have.. It ain’t so bad.
I soon realized the only thing I lost, was trash.
When I still had so much treasure left to enjoy.
In the end.. as painful as it was, It didn’t matter who I lost because only the people worth keeping would stick around. If someone leaves or abandons you… Then they were never worth having around in the first place. You should love and cherish those spouses, family, and friends that are still there for you, because they are PRICELESS. This whole situation was a very painful lesson on who to appreciate and what to let go of, to always know your worth… Forgive, but only if they earn it. Love those that earned it or didn’t need to earn it in the first place. That is what this whole situation taught me. I hope this helps you all as well.. Because I’m still learning how to do all this.
Moving on from that subject, I have become a little more closer to God these past few months. I have always been pretty private about my religion and beliefs, as I believe that is a very personal thing between you and God. I have always been a Christian my entire life, maybe not the most devout following Christian but I try my best. But just as I have written before so many times… When I talked to God and asked who I was meant to be, meant to become, meant to evolve into.. And when he finally replied and told me I was meant to conquer myself and become a LORD among men. I was eager to learn more… About myself and about God.
I have been reading the bible more lately, and while it is the word of God and such.. I have always been a more direct from the source type of person, I always felt like I need more… Books and churches, are too general and organized. I want that unique interaction, just like when he spoke to me and gave me my REawakening! So every day is another day I work towards my goal of conquering myself and being the best that I can be, its a very slow and difficult process… But I’m trying, its just so hard when you feel like nobody understands or wants to give you that time you need to grow into what you were meant to be. The only one who understands is God. Isn’t it always?
One part of my REawakening God has granted me, is that I should have more hobbies and enjoy life more.. In general I have been raving allot, gaming a little more, hanging out with friends, and even playing my favorite card game more.. In this harsh life and year, you gotta always make time for things that make you happy. While I would get sick several times with really bad colds and SEVERE stomach flu on my birthday(don’t ask worst birthday ever), I at least avoided another year of catching COVID-19, so hey thats also some good news! That brings me to my last real important thing to talk about!
This has been a very mixed year for my blog, I wrote allot this year but not as much as I probably would have liked. I feel like something is missing… I feel like I need to take it to the next level, but I’m missing something. I need that push, that fuel to take things up a notch. One thing is for sure, I definitely need more viewership and interactions. It has been hard to maintain those necessary likes, comments, shares, etc.. That keep any online business alive. So I have been increasing my interactions with people willing to collaborate and work together, writing more blogs, post new ideas, and increasing its social media presence. I’m even somewhat looking into blog merchandise, maybe its too early but I want to explore all my avenues. Long story short, I really want to keep growing my blog and expand it even more in anyway possible… The question is how? I’m literally a one man team here, so its going to be very challenging. In this age of Tik Tok and reels domination, I still believe there is so much power and knowledge to be found from written work. So much untapped potential, not just from the words but from where the words come from… Like from the heart. I want my words and writings to have depth and complexity, to mean something more. Not just to me, but more importantly to you my dear reader.
The kind of words to be treasured forever.
In conclusion, this has yet been another bad and terrible year by most standards.. There is no getting around that fact. Not just from worldly events have things gotten worse, but from a personal level I have lost allot. But despite how bad its been.. I can never deny that there has been some good, I was reminded that regardless of what we lost.. What I lost.. That there was still so much good left, that I still had a treasure trove of shinning jewels. Perspective is a hell of a thing.. That is one of the many blessing that God has given me to endure this tough year.. I have wanted to give up so many times, its just so tempting, a never ending call from the void just pulling me deeper and deeper in the darkness… But even stronger, something pulls me back into the light.. The person who I want to be, who God showed me that I was destined to become, and how to work towards that. My spirituality has evolved just as much as I have, so I have become the LORD of myself and my life.. All thanks to the LORD OF LORDS. My REawakening remains in progress.. I continue to try and enjoy all the life and hobbies that I can, to try and capture all the joy that I can. And lastly.. This very Blog site that you are reading from, I have worked diligently to grow and expand it as much as I possibly can! I know I have said this all to death already, but I believe it is time to evolve and metamorph into something far grander and successful, just as I hope to do for myself.. So that it and I can be the best that we can be, be the best that WE DESERVE.
2022 took so much from me and everyone else.
But I prophesied in the last 2021 year end review..
That no matter what these horrible years take from me…
Even if 2023 is just another one of these nightmare years again.
They can NEVER take my FIGHTING SPIRIT.
And I was RIGHT.
One year later, I’m still here FIGHTING.
One year later… I’m still ME.
Now I ask, one year later..
What are you?
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